Change and Goals

My life is slowly being self-refined to improve efficiency and output. I suppose anyone who realizes that time is limited while ambitions are boundless needs to make the choice to section life down to the essentials, whatever those may be. I'm still trying to figure out what my essentials, my essence, is. Strangely enough, time doesn't really factor into some kinds of mastery. I find it ironic that, since medicine is both and art and a science, there are aspects of this field that counter every pre-medical, hardworking, stay-up-until-four-in-the-morning-to-cram-for-the-test instinct that I've cultivated over the years. Building relationships comes not from hard work, although can be a prerequisite; relating to people does not follow a straight, predictable path. Finding a connection with someone is not like learning information, where clearly the more time that you spend studying, the better you will know the material. No, connecting to people is like Zen Buddhism (from my limited understanding of it) whereby you Do By Not Doing and Progress Forward By Moving Sideways. In fact, sometimes ambitious effort is retroactive. This is obvious to most, but what it means is that my learning here is split between working to synthesize information, connect concepts, and comprehend the scientific face of medicine, while at the same time, understanding how to be a professional in the face of sickness, sorrow, or sometimes simply check-ups. It is developing dueling and quite different skills and layering on top of these my own person, my own preferences, style, and...essence.